The Unofficial Phlebotomy Home Page

Phlebotomy Humor

A bad medical laboratory joke:

What do you say to a lab tech who just got promoted?
Coagulations! (Obligatory groan)

Top 10 phlebotomist pick up lines:

10. This won't hurt a bit.
9. My, you have nice veins.
8. This tape is good for more than just wrapping bandages.
7. This shirt is too tight.  I think you'll need to remove it, Ms. Bassinger.
6. Wanna take my centrifuge for a ride?
5. I can get you vacutainers at half price.
4. That's normal - everybody bleeds the first time.
3. Can I recline that donor chair for you?
2. I am told my stick is very good.
1. Is that a syringe in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

Top 10 reasons to become a phlebotomist:

10. You always thought the game "Operation" didn't require enough eye-hand co-ordination
9. You love camouflage and always wanted a SST "mottled top" colored outfit.
8. You look good in good in a lab coat, but never had time for med school.
7. People often refer to you as "The Count."
6. You can get the needle into a thread, but not the other way around.
5. You need a job where you have unlimited access to latex gloves without people asking a lot of personal questions.
4. Two words:  Hospital Food
3. The undying gratitude that patients express when they see you coming.
2. Understanding all the jokes on this list.
1. You love the smell of alcohol swabs first thing in the morning!

A Few of My Favorite Phlebotomy Things:

  • 25 gauge butterflies - What an invention!
  • Large veins
  • Emergency room nurses drawing their own lab specimens

A Few of My Least Favorite Phlebotomy Things:

  • Vinyl gloves
  • Whiny kids... "Mommy I don't want this!"
  • Whiny adults
  • People who think they're amusing by calling me a vampire
  • People who can't find humor in this page